A man dies and goes to hell.
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of
people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so
many people waiting to get in?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,
someone has stolen all the nails from the bed
and
the devil is a former Govt servant,
so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Relax please..
Number One Idiot of 2008
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat
in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room
right away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2008
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly
after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing
in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was
inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2008
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch
and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line,
waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone
had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street
to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested
a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2008
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours
later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Five of 2008
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2008
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2008
I live in a semi-rural area (Weyauwega, Wisconsin). We recently had a
new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't
think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat
in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room
right away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2008
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly
after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing
in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was
inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2008
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch
and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line,
waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone
had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street
to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested
a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2008
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours
later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Five of 2008
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2008
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2008
I live in a semi-rural area (Weyauwega, Wisconsin). We recently had a
new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't
think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
====================================================
Courtesy: Mr Padmanabhan.
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
நீங்களும் அதில் ஒருவரா?.
One day, an old man was walking along the beach in the early morning and
noticed the tide had washed thousands of starfish up on the shore. Up ahead
in the distance he spotted a boy who appeared to be gathering up the
starfish, and one by one tossing them back into the ocean.
He approached the boy and asked him why he spent so much energy doing what
seemed to be a waste of time.
The boy replied, "If these starfish are left out here like this they will
bake in the sun, and by this afternoon they will all be dead."
The old man gazed out as far as he could see and responded, "But, there
must be hundreds of miles of beach and thousands of starfish. You can't
possibly rescue all of them. What difference is throwing a few back going
to make anyway?"
The boy then held up the starfish he had in his hand and replied, "It's
sure going to make a lot of difference to this one!"
The boy tossed that starfish into the water. He then looked intently at the
old man and said "I will save as many as I can".
The old man had no reply. He was really ashamed of his own attitude. He
stood speechless for a while. Then slowly he picked up a starfish and threw
it into the water, joining the boy in his efforts. The boy gave him a
gentle smile and soon both of them were silently tossing one starfish after
another into the water.
Soon, the boy and the old man saw that they were not alone. Other people
who had come to the beach for a walk noticed them both working diligently
to save the starfish. One by one, people started joining in the effort.
As the sun rose higher in the sky, hundreds of people silently worked to
save the starfish. Young people, old people, rich people, poor people all
joined hands in the noble task.
Amazingly within a couple of hours, the beach was almost clear of starfish.
As the last starfish was thrown into the sea, a thunderous cheer
spontaneously arose from the people. Each one of them felt they had done
something important, something that made a difference. They cheered and
hugged each other. Some of them even exchanged names and numbers and
promised to stay in touch.
Nothing is impossible if we work together. But someone needs to be bold
enough to take the first step. Many other will follow. Even one person's
determination and conviction can change the world.
Are you the ONE??????
Take the first step in CREATING your IDEAL WORLD today and you will see the
WORLD will follow??
WAKE UP and make a difference.
Monday, 26 January 2009
பிறக்கப்போகும் குழந்தை எப்படி இருக்கும்?.
BabyMaker v.1.0 - How Will Your Baby Look Like?
No need to wait for nine months to see your baby! All you need is two pictures. Just put pictures of you two into BabyMaker, and see what your baby will look like in just a moment. Impress your friends and family with ‘what if’ pictures of your possible babies made with just about anyone. You only need two facial photos (passport-style will do) to generate a realistic image of a baby. And we’re not talking about cartoon-style pictures or a still-morph picture frozen in the middle of a transformation. You’ll get a real face of a young human with unique facial features that resemble features of both ‘parents’.
Can’t believe this? Just ask your parents for a couple of pictures, put them through BabyMaker, and see your own face in the end! The science of fortune telling is brought to perfection with BabyMaker. Make a baby with anyone! Entertain your friends by ‘marrying’ them to each other, or have fun using pictures of celebrities as one or both parents. Print or email the resulting images for even more fun! Unlike virtually all competitors, BabyMaker does not simply morph one face into another. Instead, it thoroughly analyzes characteristic features of the two faces using face detection scientific algorithms, and carefully re-creates a baby’s by carefully mixing different features of the parents’ faces. The technologies used in BabyMaker are so advanced that they can easily produce a high-quality color image of a baby even if the quality of the originals is far from perfect. Just throw a couple of old photos of your grandparents to see this in action! Black-and-white, scratched, faded or retouched photos will do if they represent a real face. If you are using images from the Internet, low-resolution or heavily compressed pictures are fine if the faces are still recognizable.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
செல் பேசியின் மற்றொரு பயன் :
நெட்டில் உலா வந்த பொது அறிய வந்தது:
Enjoy peace of mind when you’re away from your baby!
BabyMonitor is a program that transforms your cell phone to a baby monitor. Simple place your phone in a room where your child is sleeping and when he wakes up the program calls to a number of your choice. This number can be as cell as standard land line number.
Author told why he developed this program. Earlier when he was traveling he often forgot his baby monitor or a charger for it and had to stay by the baby’s bedside. But the main reason was that he couldn’t use his baby monitor in his village near an airport because of radio noise.
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
நேரமின்மையால் எத்தனை இழக்கிறோம் ?
Everybody wants to live to 100, but do we really have 'time to live'?
A man stood at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play
the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces
for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was
calculated that thousand seven hundred people went through the
station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician
playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then
hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist
received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and
without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone
leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his
watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother
tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the
violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to
walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by
several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced
them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and
stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk
their normal pace.. He collected $32. When he finished playing and
silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there
recognition.
The exact analysis would betray the fact that this was a social experiment.
This is a real story. No one knew this at the time but the violinist
was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one
of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5
million dollars. Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua
Bell sold out at a theatre in Boston and the seats averaged $100.
Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organised by
the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception,
taste and priorities of people.
The question tested were:
* In a common place environment, at an inappropriate hour,
do we perceive beauty? Yes/no
* Do we stop to appreciate it? Yes/no
* Do we recognise the talent in an unexpected context? Yes/no
Point to Ponder:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best
musicians in the world playing the best music ever written,
how many other things are we missing in our life?
நன்றி திரு பத்மநாபன்
A man stood at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play
the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces
for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was
calculated that thousand seven hundred people went through the
station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician
playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then
hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist
received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and
without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone
leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his
watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother
tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the
violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to
walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by
several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced
them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and
stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk
their normal pace.. He collected $32. When he finished playing and
silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there
recognition.
The exact analysis would betray the fact that this was a social experiment.
This is a real story. No one knew this at the time but the violinist
was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one
of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5
million dollars. Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua
Bell sold out at a theatre in Boston and the seats averaged $100.
Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organised by
the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception,
taste and priorities of people.
The question tested were:
* In a common place environment, at an inappropriate hour,
do we perceive beauty? Yes/no
* Do we stop to appreciate it? Yes/no
* Do we recognise the talent in an unexpected context? Yes/no
Point to Ponder:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best
musicians in the world playing the best music ever written,
how many other things are we missing in our life?
நன்றி திரு பத்மநாபன்
Monday, 19 January 2009
கம்ப்யூட்டர் ...?.
10 Reasons why you should have make a computer your valentine!
1. A Computer can wait for you forever.
2. A Computer does not compare you with its past users
3. A Computer does not mind if you have a Computer at home and in the office.
4. A Computer wont say lets just be friends.
5. You can mute the computer whenever you want.
6. Its easy to turn on a computer.
7. You never have to say sorry no matter what you do to it.
8. You dont have to give it expensive Valentine gifts, New Year gifts, Birthday gifts, Anniversary gifts.
9. You can upgrade your computer if you are not satisfied with its performance or specifications.
10. There is always Ctrl + Alt + Del.
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